And I

And I
Just want to see you again
And I
Just want to love you, my friend
And I
Never want to leave you again
I never want to break our
Relation down to "Hi's" and "Hello's"
And I
Want to see you forever and again
My forever love affair with my only best friend
And I
Don't want this to end
But I
Remember I'm just another friend

Broken or knot
Lost in this trot
I don't know
How to find
Myself without
Your eyes

So I
Long for the touch of your eyes
And I
Wait for the chill of your smile
And I
And I
And I...
Just long to be with you
In conversation

(c) Shaziane

Between Today And Tomorrow with Poemagery

Between tomorrow

And today

I wish to

Find you

Between sorrow

And ecstacy

I wish to

See your face

I wish that

Everything 

You wish

Finds your arms

Overflowing

With love

Lost and

Gained

And growing

I wish that 

Your dreams

Yearn for

Company

That they

Cannot

Live without

Your other half

I wish that

You find me

Between today

And tomorrow

(c) Shaziane

Poemagery - TO: Your Memory

May this be our signal of a new journey

one in which we share our words, experiences, cares.

TO: Your Memory

I want to remember
I want to remember loving you well
I want to remember all the swell times we had
And memories though they begin to fade

I want to remember you well

It may be impossible with alzeheimer's and senility
But I want to remember our love as best I can

The first day that we met was not in anyway perfect
Messy hair, messy clothes, a broken car on a summer day
In the middle of somewhere deserted. No food. No drink. No gas

It was you and me on a dirt road of disaster
Colliding cars. Boiling tempers.

But somehow, somewhere between our first goodbye
Our second hello, we changed for better

I want to remember the first smile we shared
Over a warm handshake in a gas station
Our first deliberate meeting and your gentle laughter
At my clumsy handling of social rituals

I want to remember it all
I want to remember all of you
The major, the minor, the average
The exciting, the depressing, the calm

So I write to your memory daily
Hoping that you'll remember us too
One day

The Musician

Fist raised in the air
Beating the drum of her cheek
Back and forth they go to the beat
Over and over she joins her voice as he goes silently
Patient determination in his eyes as the music plays
Moving his hands to her shoulders to and from he shakes
A timbrel she becomes as his voice raises high into the air
Open handed beating of the drums again. How will the song end?
Her back becomes the violin of his dream as to and fro the whip goes
Honest cries the music of their life, her hand and knees balances their main instrument
Like the devoted man he is, all his effort goes into this
Music rings loud, her voice is in the air, she hears loud and clear
Finally they reach the crescendo, at last silence is here
The beauty of the music is too intoxicating for the end to be so near
So once again, with little rest for the beautiful instruments
The musician,  begins playing his precious song
And there is nothing to be done but listen closely
The official conductors can do nothing but wait
For the music to end, when the instruments are dead

And when the instruments are dead
Who is to blame but the silent ones
Why didn't she walk away, Why didn't she say
Asks the attentive audience
Who listened to the melody, read the composition of her body
For years and years and years
But now she's dead
Why didn't she say,  Why didn't she walk away

(C) Shaziane

Just Speak

Just speak

I'm always
Listening

Break your silence
Give me peace
Allow your thoughts
To see me too

Just speak your mind
Raise your voice
Let the call be heard
Walk the balance
Bring the torch
Let the way be seen
If you never tell
Your story
I'll never know
Your heart
So lift your voice
Push the wall
Let me help you to
Break free

Let the others see
That freedom can be

Just speak your life
Speak your fight
Let us share in your battle

We need survivors
We need hope
But if your silence continues
How will we get either
Show how and where you are
How and why you came
Inspire the wounded
Frighten the hate
Motivate the hope
And shatter the pain

Just speak

Speak the tears
Your mind whispers

That's all I'll ask

Of you

So just speak

Say the words
That will seal
Your freedom
Give power to the victory

Just speak...

Just speak

(C) Shaziane

Gently

Gently love me
Gently fall into my arms
Gently tap your love
In the palm of my hand
Gently remind me, of the reasons
We love
Love me
Softer. Softer than the silent rain
Love sweetly
Sweeter than the music
It makes inside me
Love me
Differently
From the drizzle on the rooftop
I want love
No one can feel
I want devotion that is seen
By the eyes
Of those who
Know it
In the mind
Of those who
Keep it
Me, you, us
I want to be
Loved
I want to be loved
Without distraction
Taken as a jewel
Treasured as a rarity
Held as a precious bird
Gently, softly, sweetly
Loved
Not for the world to view
Just us
Love me
The way you enjoy
Being loved
Love me
With your own
Precious love
As a reminder
Love me
Daily
As a friend
Love me honestly
Gently
Love me

(C) Shaziane 2013

Thankfully

Burdened with unyielding cares
Depressed and trodden by uneasy fears
My walk grows longer everyday
And daily though I raise my head
It never seems high enough to call

Deeper and deeper my fall becomes
As minutes float by in my worsening situation
But thankfully
Father knows the very best
And thankfully
He cares for my unlikely woes

Thankfully
At the slightest call He's here

Day by day I go on
Without answering His call
But when I'm in danger
He's there
Thankfully
He loves me

Thankfully
He understands where I am
He understands who I am
And at the slightest opening of my heart
His voice enters with encouragement
None other can impart

Thankfully
He is the One and Only

Thankfully
He sacrificed Himself for me

Without that hope I know not
Where, Who, or What I would be
But thankfully
The Creator of the Universe
Thought my addition, good

So thankfully
I'm here with cause and purpose
With an attitude of
Thanks, faith, and grace
To the Holy Father, and my fellow man
I must continue onwards
In the words God has laid on me
With my mind on Him only
Thankfully

The chances I've received
Have brought me more understanding of His love
And thankfully
It is an everlasting love

Prayerfully, Father
I thank you
For loving me

(C) Shaziane

In Memoriam Ishmel Alexander

Don't write me a love song today or tomorrow.
I need you here with me during my sorrow.
I don't need to be told how unfortunate this is
Just listen as my tears fall,
And watch as my smile leaves me hollow.
Don't call and expect me to laugh and lie when
I feel like I'm dying inside.
All you need to do is call and be kind...

I don't know how this is going to go
I don't know how I'm coping but I'm here
So let's start from there

Sadness reduces my smile
to an indent of sniffing
Disbelief induces a look of
being elsewhere
And being here helps to
hold me together
So just stay, just stay by my side
So...just stay,
by...my...side...

I miss my Daddy more than you know. His beliefs were the ones I stood on each day as I attacked the lies of this world. His wishes inspired me to soar higher. His voice propelled me to a place where only dreams exist and I've been living there for so long and now I'm falling back to reality while trying to keep him alive and I only need your prayers to help me.

(c) Shaziane

Who We Used To Be

I miss who we used to be
Lovers
In everything we did
When we fought I always saw your smiles
When we cried I could always feel the high
And I'd know that tomorrow would bring
Happiness
That true lovers know so well
I miss being in love with your every move
I miss loving your every curve as you do
I miss thoroughly enjoying your insecurities
I miss
I miss
Who we used to be

I miss telling you all my secrets
I miss hearing all of yours
I miss believing every word you said
And I miss being your best friend
I miss
I miss
Who we used to be

You don't understand
Being alone
When it's gotten too cold
You don't know the pain
When betrayal is the only thing you know
You don't understand
How It hurts
When trust only means
You've been crushed

I miss
I miss
Who we used to be
Honestly

I miss...
I missed
Who we'll never be

(C) Shaziane

Yesternight and Today

On days like today

I want to make love to your body with my words

On nights like yesternight

I want to listen to your breath crescendo in the distance

with walls, space, tension between us

On days like today

I want to watch you love yourself entirely

without care that eyes passion and unconditionality watch

without thought that discrimination, and disgust [exist

...that they] cannot understand the beauty of you

On night like yesternight

I want to love you so well that you forget my presence

love you so thoroughly that happiness wells, bubbles, 

bursts within the walls of your chest

burns in your veins, and as you fight to control it, 

flows from your lids swiftly in a smooth caress 

over your raised, weary, smiling cheeks

(C) Shaziane

Cry Me

Cry me a shoulder
Paint me a tear
Show me the sorrow that I can hold dear

Love me to ashes
Hug me to death
Give me the pieces I will never forget

Lend me your sadness
Allow me your hurt
Let every burden lay on my heart

Bless me with your curse
Tell the tragedy
Share the experience of love lost

(C) Shaziane

It's A Good Day To Walk Away

Just pick me...
Just pick me.

I'm shouting from the top of my lung,
This voice becomes like prongs
Climbing me from feet to head and no more.
They've become like nails
Turned outwards pushing everyone away.
They can't touch me and neither can you.
It's my security,
It's an absurdity
But seriously

Just pick me...
Just pick me.

I've been standing in your rain
Begging for the shade.
You feel my eyes
Wrapped around your body every time you're nearby.
I know you see the longing,
The yearning in these eyes.
So pick me,
Do away with all the misery and pick me.

There's not a day that goes by
That I don't let you know I'm here
Standing, waiting for your go ahead,
Take my hand lead me away
I'm begging please
Because this is the last day
That I'm standing in the rain
Taking all of this pain without gain...

Baby please, you could pick me.
But you've got me by the hand just the same as her.

Good bye
This will not continue any further than here,
It's where your nonsense comes to end.
It's where I rise from the bottom
To embrace my gift, my destiny,
Too long I've focused on getting you,
Stifling my gift to remain your subordinate,
I was made to be inordinate. 

I've felt a burning in my soul
Now it's growing cold so I have to break away
From your poison,
Get away from your dark cloud.
Take your hands off 
I don't need to be lead like a child.
I am my own gifted and empowered.

For too long I have bowed
Feeling less endowed

I feel the love, it grounds me.
The sun shining on me.

(C) Shaziane

Just Go...

This not the place I'm accustomed to be in
This not the pace I'm usually taking
But today
Today
I am living Life
Living like it's a new day
Taking strides in a new way

And I don't know what to say
But I'm loving this new play
And as I Go
I flow
Taking all the steps in glides
Doing all the moves with pride

Making a name without a thought
Changing plans
And stretching out
Removing myself from everything
That once held me...to the ground

And now I'm free
And now I see
That Life never held me back
Because I did all, the holding
I did all, the closing
Bolting windows , doors and more

But now I'm free
But now I am free
But now I. Am. FREE!
Completely loving me
And who I be

I have learned to Go
Go, Go, Go!

Not "with"
Anybody
Or "with"
Anything

But just Go
In
Myself
And
Through
Myself

I have learned to use trinkets
Of a/this broken treasure
To undo
The latches,
Bolts,
More
So that I can just...go

(c) Shaziane

Depression

Horrors of dark
Depression rising to the surface
Engulfing the warmth of comfort
In its chilly, coarse, subtle yet vivid grasp

Lonely and cold
Blunt and bold
Unfeeling and thoroughly hurt
Within and without
Not present and completely here

Calm and at peace
While being pained and anxious
In equal parts
Fighting to remain
Combating the other

I want to be alone
And I want to be with you
I want to hear your voice
And I need the silence
In the dark of this light

Understand the pain I refuse to speak
See the strain I cannot show
Light the candle in your corner
Tempt me with your soothing warmth
Remove me, draw me out of this dark of horror

(c) Shaziane

Here

I've been here for so long
Wondering where I belong
Trying to get around
Wanting to be found

But never can I seem to find.      
To where I ought to bind
Myself
My belongings

There never seems to be
Any
Ground upon which
I can plant my feet

Every corner is filled
With another man
And his possessions

Every nook filled
With something strange
Every cranny occupied
By some alien

Where is my place
Among all of this
Where are the markers
Left for situations like this

If I cannot rest my head
How do I rise?
If my dignity lays beneath this rubble
How do I find it?

(c) Shaziane

Pregnancy

Thick, round, ready
Hips, thighs, ankles
And a perfectly centred oval
Propped in the middle of perfection
My wife.

The cushioning of her already cushioned ass
 The widening of her amazingly wide hips
The extra heaviness to her firm breasts
Speak of
My child

The intensified intensity of her orgasms
The heightening of her pleasant yet unearthly desires
The increased sensitivity to touch, taste, and smell
Teases, taunts
Me

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing
How can I despair?

Emotionally unable
Physically incapable
Of stabalizing herself
As mood swings and morning sickness rule
With iron fists of miscommunication

Yearnings for gut-churning food combinations
Hankerings for her constant supply
Bouts of noisome stench release
Invade our home, our lives
Testing my resolve

Loving little
Sleeping less
When will I get my blessed rest
When will this torture end
When will beauty descend

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing...
How can I...despair

My wife
My child
Me
How can I despair?
With iron fists of miscommunication
Testing my resolve
When will beauty descend?
How can I...despair

(c) Shaziane

Love Me Well

Love me like you mean it
Love me like I'm worth it
Love me like everything on earth depends on you and me being happily together
Love me like the world would stop if you don't
Love me like the earth spins with your touch
Love me well enough to break the chains of hurt

Love me more than the world believes is possible

Love me well

Love me good and do it like you know you should
Love me clearly in the dark
Love me dearly at the break of light
Love me one more time for one day under eternity

Love me well

(c) Shaziane

Alzheimer's (The Thief)

I pray that everyday you wake
You remember the night before
That every morning is beautiful to you
Though different
I pray for utter happiness for you
My love, I pray this thief
Loses his all, I pray that every family finds
Peace, in his loss
I pray that every soul thrown to the wind returns in memory
I pray that tomorrow you'll wake
And, calling my name know who I am.
I pray to lose this forgetful child
And to gain the arrogant (bastard) I married
I'll stay, but know
This is not the life I signed for
This isn't the torment I intended to live
Or the pain I intended to sustain
This is not the angry bruise of forgetfullness I intended to gain
This is not my wintery torment of a memory
So I pray dearly for summer's return
With it's frozen nights

(c) Shaziane

I Probably Shouldn't...But (Edited Version)

I probably shouldn't be dancing to the ringing of the phone
but I think I'll let it go:
I think I'll keep on moving,
grooving,
shaking these hips,
making that clap clap clapiddy clap clap sound.
I think I'll move my waist like I got no place to be,
rotate my shoulders,
loosen my hands,
wave 'em in the air
twirling with the wind and swing my head back and forth,
slowly skip across the floor with all these movements and answer as you ring me the second...third time

slowly skip across the floor, skin glisten with all these movements;
I shimmer and shimmie and answer as you ring me

(c) Shaziane