The Dignity That's Left

How do I walk through the fire without you near

How do I cross this fallen bridge without your hand in mine

How do I

How do I love our family into a new existence

When you refuse to love me

Refuse to have me

Refuse to take my face in your cupped hands

Refuse to see me like you first did

How do I

How do I continue to love our children for us both

How do I break all ties with you

How do I separate 'u' in us and keep my sanity

How do I break this world

 

A.

Part.

And still act like it's

Together

How do I cry inside and raise a happy home from this rumble

How do I sustain our family's foundation

When mine...

When mine...has already c

                         r

                            u

                     m

                          b

                       l

                  e      d


How do I walk away with dignity

When anger, passion, shame mingle

Why do I walk away with the dignity that's left

Because...

Drench This Soul

Drench this soul of mine in you
Caress my lips with your pain
Love me with your hurt
Touch me with your heart
And walk with your gain

Drench your soul in mine
Kiss my pain away
Love my hurt
Allow my heart to be yours
And walk with my loss

(c) Shaziane

Sunset

My shoulder's aching
My spirit's breaking
All that's for the taking
Is waking to a sunset
Halfway complete
Is everything (I see)
Almost dead
Expelling the last
Of faintly perfumed breath
As tattered boots lay silently
Tilting forward with knees falling
Towards red rocks
Love crashes into hard earth
The lights of this tower
Dimmed by eyelids
Have now been extinguished
Truth and deception pours forth
From the height of its depth

Fluttering eyelids introduce the end
Rise
Fall
For this must be hell
Where else could contain a black so vile
So deep, so pure
The cold is felt where fire ought inhabit
The wind tugs that which brimstone ought to sear
Rise, fall
Turn
White
Is this heat so intense that it waxed me cold
Is death so deceiving that it teases me so
What is this ball of white in the centre of an ashened valley

The moon cleanses
The wind cools
The soul and it's body arises
Unified they stand at the beginning of the end
At the end of the beginning
Turning
Sturdy feet rise and fall

Nature is thy friend
God is thy guide
At the setting of every sun
A moon rises in absolute splendour

(c) Shaziane

The End

The beginning
Is of sinning
There is no winning
Only the beginning of the end

Today I send
Everything I owe
And everything I don't
I send
In the folds of anger, rage
In the whisper of this shout

I send my love

(c) Shaziane

Diary

I never had him
Wrote who I am into his memory
Recorded each sin in his smile
Each laugh in his eyes
The tears on his fingertips

I never had him
My diary
Yet he has me
The pains
Every gain

I never had him
But whenever I hear his silence
I write my soul into his
I remember who I am through him

(c) Shaziane

If I'm Pregnant

If I'm pregnant
Will you carress my hips
The way you do my lips

Will I be the babe of love
Have the man you are now
Have a fathered child

Or will I search
For the love of another
And the trust of my mind and heart

Will you kiss me
Remove the sorrow from my eyelids
Comfort the fears of our sweet

Or will we be
The town's gossip
Modern nomads

If I'm pregnant
Will you marry me
Or will I be another statistic
Another named nameless

(c) Shaziane

The Hurt of Silence

Cold
Dark
Numb

I'm with you
In you
I feel no vibration of heart
I hear no voice in your pulse

There lives in your skin
The death of passion
The wake of love treads your eyes
On your tongue dwells the icy burn of loss

There lies in this sin
The hurt of truth
The silence of pain
And yet the intensity of it.

(c) Shaziane