TO: Your Memory

I want to remember
I want to remember loving you well
I want to remember all the swell times we had
And memories though they begin to fade

I want to remember you well

It may be impossible with alzeheimer's and senility
But I want to remember our love as best I can

The first day that we met was not in anyway perfect
Messy hair, messy clothes, a broken car on a summer day
In the middle of somewhere deserted. No food. No drink. No gas

It was you and me on a dirt road of disaster
Colliding cars. Boiling tempers.

But somehow, somewhere between our first goodbye
Our second hello, we changed for better

I want to remember the first smile we shared
Over a warm handshake in a gas station
Our first deliberate meeting and your gentle laughter
At my clumsy handling of social rituals

I want to remember it all
I want to remember all of you
The major, the minor, the average
The exciting, the depressing, the calm

So I write to your memory daily
Hoping that you'll remember us too
One day

The Musician

Fist raised in the air
Beating the drum of her cheek
Back and forth they go to the beat
Over and over she joins her voice as he goes silently
Patient determination in his eyes as the music plays
Moving his hands to her shoulders to and from he shakes
A timbrel she becomes as his voice raises high into the air
Open handed beating of the drums again. How will the song end?
Her back becomes the violin of his dream as to and fro the whip goes
Honest cries the music of their life, her hand and knees balances their main instrument
Like the devoted man he is, all his effort goes into this
Music rings loud, her voice is in the air, she hears loud and clear
Finally they reach the crescendo, at last silence is here
The beauty of the music is too intoxicating for the end to be so near
So once again, with little rest for the beautiful instruments
The musician,  begins playing his precious song
And there is nothing to be done but listen closely
The official conductors can do nothing but wait
For the music to end, when the instruments are dead

And when the instruments are dead
Who is to blame but the silent ones
Why didn't she walk away, Why didn't she say
Asks the attentive audience
Who listened to the melody, read the composition of her body
For years and years and years
But now she's dead
Why didn't she say,  Why didn't she walk away

(C) Shaziane

Just Speak

Just speak

I'm always
Listening

Break your silence
Give me peace
Allow your thoughts
To see me too

Just speak your mind
Raise your voice
Let the call be heard
Walk the balance
Bring the torch
Let the way be seen
If you never tell
Your story
I'll never know
Your heart
So lift your voice
Push the wall
Let me help you to
Break free

Let the others see
That freedom can be

Just speak your life
Speak your fight
Let us share in your battle

We need survivors
We need hope
But if your silence continues
How will we get either
Show how and where you are
How and why you came
Inspire the wounded
Frighten the hate
Motivate the hope
And shatter the pain

Just speak

Speak the tears
Your mind whispers

That's all I'll ask

Of you

So just speak

Say the words
That will seal
Your freedom
Give power to the victory

Just speak...

Just speak

(C) Shaziane

Gently

Gently love me
Gently fall into my arms
Gently tap your love
In the palm of my hand
Gently remind me, of the reasons
We love
Love me
Softer. Softer than the silent rain
Love sweetly
Sweeter than the music
It makes inside me
Love me
Differently
From the drizzle on the rooftop
I want love
No one can feel
I want devotion that is seen
By the eyes
Of those who
Know it
In the mind
Of those who
Keep it
Me, you, us
I want to be
Loved
I want to be loved
Without distraction
Taken as a jewel
Treasured as a rarity
Held as a precious bird
Gently, softly, sweetly
Loved
Not for the world to view
Just us
Love me
The way you enjoy
Being loved
Love me
With your own
Precious love
As a reminder
Love me
Daily
As a friend
Love me honestly
Gently
Love me

(C) Shaziane 2013

Thankfully

Burdened with unyielding cares
Depressed and trodden by uneasy fears
My walk grows longer everyday
And daily though I raise my head
It never seems high enough to call

Deeper and deeper my fall becomes
As minutes float by in my worsening situation
But thankfully
Father knows the very best
And thankfully
He cares for my unlikely woes

Thankfully
At the slightest call He's here

Day by day I go on
Without answering His call
But when I'm in danger
He's there
Thankfully
He loves me

Thankfully
He understands where I am
He understands who I am
And at the slightest opening of my heart
His voice enters with encouragement
None other can impart

Thankfully
He is the One and Only

Thankfully
He sacrificed Himself for me

Without that hope I know not
Where, Who, or What I would be
But thankfully
The Creator of the Universe
Thought my addition, good

So thankfully
I'm here with cause and purpose
With an attitude of
Thanks, faith, and grace
To the Holy Father, and my fellow man
I must continue onwards
In the words God has laid on me
With my mind on Him only
Thankfully

The chances I've received
Have brought me more understanding of His love
And thankfully
It is an everlasting love

Prayerfully, Father
I thank you
For loving me

(C) Shaziane

In Memoriam Ishmel Alexander

Don't write me a love song today or tomorrow.
I need you here with me during my sorrow.
I don't need to be told how unfortunate this is
Just listen as my tears fall,
And watch as my smile leaves me hollow.
Don't call and expect me to laugh and lie when
I feel like I'm dying inside.
All you need to do is call and be kind...

I don't know how this is going to go
I don't know how I'm coping but I'm here
So let's start from there

Sadness reduces my smile
to an indent of sniffing
Disbelief induces a look of
being elsewhere
And being here helps to
hold me together
So just stay, just stay by my side
So...just stay,
by...my...side...

I miss my Daddy more than you know. His beliefs were the ones I stood on each day as I attacked the lies of this world. His wishes inspired me to soar higher. His voice propelled me to a place where only dreams exist and I've been living there for so long and now I'm falling back to reality while trying to keep him alive and I only need your prayers to help me.

(c) Shaziane

Who We Used To Be

I miss who we used to be
Lovers
In everything we did
When we fought I always saw your smiles
When we cried I could always feel the high
And I'd know that tomorrow would bring
Happiness
That true lovers know so well
I miss being in love with your every move
I miss loving your every curve as you do
I miss thoroughly enjoying your insecurities
I miss
I miss
Who we used to be

I miss telling you all my secrets
I miss hearing all of yours
I miss believing every word you said
And I miss being your best friend
I miss
I miss
Who we used to be

You don't understand
Being alone
When it's gotten too cold
You don't know the pain
When betrayal is the only thing you know
You don't understand
How It hurts
When trust only means
You've been crushed

I miss
I miss
Who we used to be
Honestly

I miss...
I missed
Who we'll never be

(C) Shaziane