Just Go...

This not the place I'm accustomed to be in
This not the pace I'm usually taking
But today
Today
I am living Life
Living like it's a new day
Taking strides in a new way

And I don't know what to say
But I'm loving this new play
And as I Go
I flow
Taking all the steps in glides
Doing all the moves with pride

Making a name without a thought
Changing plans
And stretching out
Removing myself from everything
That once held me...to the ground

And now I'm free
And now I see
That Life never held me back
Because I did all, the holding
I did all, the closing
Bolting windows , doors and more

But now I'm free
But now I am free
But now I. Am. FREE!
Completely loving me
And who I be

I have learned to Go
Go, Go, Go!

Not "with"
Anybody
Or "with"
Anything

But just Go
In
Myself
And
Through
Myself

I have learned to use trinkets
Of a/this broken treasure
To undo
The latches,
Bolts,
More
So that I can just...go

(c) Shaziane

Depression

Horrors of dark
Depression rising to the surface
Engulfing the warmth of comfort
In its chilly, coarse, subtle yet vivid grasp

Lonely and cold
Blunt and bold
Unfeeling and thoroughly hurt
Within and without
Not present and completely here

Calm and at peace
While being pained and anxious
In equal parts
Fighting to remain
Combating the other

I want to be alone
And I want to be with you
I want to hear your voice
And I need the silence
In the dark of this light

Understand the pain I refuse to speak
See the strain I cannot show
Light the candle in your corner
Tempt me with your soothing warmth
Remove me, draw me out of this dark of horror

(c) Shaziane

Here

I've been here for so long
Wondering where I belong
Trying to get around
Wanting to be found

But never can I seem to find.      
To where I ought to bind
Myself
My belongings

There never seems to be
Any
Ground upon which
I can plant my feet

Every corner is filled
With another man
And his possessions

Every nook filled
With something strange
Every cranny occupied
By some alien

Where is my place
Among all of this
Where are the markers
Left for situations like this

If I cannot rest my head
How do I rise?
If my dignity lays beneath this rubble
How do I find it?

(c) Shaziane

Pregnancy

Thick, round, ready
Hips, thighs, ankles
And a perfectly centred oval
Propped in the middle of perfection
My wife.

The cushioning of her already cushioned ass
 The widening of her amazingly wide hips
The extra heaviness to her firm breasts
Speak of
My child

The intensified intensity of her orgasms
The heightening of her pleasant yet unearthly desires
The increased sensitivity to touch, taste, and smell
Teases, taunts
Me

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing
How can I despair?

Emotionally unable
Physically incapable
Of stabalizing herself
As mood swings and morning sickness rule
With iron fists of miscommunication

Yearnings for gut-churning food combinations
Hankerings for her constant supply
Bouts of noisome stench release
Invade our home, our lives
Testing my resolve

Loving little
Sleeping less
When will I get my blessed rest
When will this torture end
When will beauty descend

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing...
How can I...despair

My wife
My child
Me
How can I despair?
With iron fists of miscommunication
Testing my resolve
When will beauty descend?
How can I...despair

(c) Shaziane