Just Go...

This not the place I'm accustomed to be in
This not the pace I'm usually taking
But today
Today
I am living Life
Living like it's a new day
Taking strides in a new way

And I don't know what to say
But I'm loving this new play
And as I Go
I flow
Taking all the steps in glides
Doing all the moves with pride

Making a name without a thought
Changing plans
And stretching out
Removing myself from everything
That once held me...to the ground

And now I'm free
And now I see
That Life never held me back
Because I did all, the holding
I did all, the closing
Bolting windows , doors and more

But now I'm free
But now I am free
But now I. Am. FREE!
Completely loving me
And who I be

I have learned to Go
Go, Go, Go!

Not "with"
Anybody
Or "with"
Anything

But just Go
In
Myself
And
Through
Myself

I have learned to use trinkets
Of a/this broken treasure
To undo
The latches,
Bolts,
More
So that I can just...go

(c) Shaziane

Depression

Horrors of dark
Depression rising to the surface
Engulfing the warmth of comfort
In its chilly, coarse, subtle yet vivid grasp

Lonely and cold
Blunt and bold
Unfeeling and thoroughly hurt
Within and without
Not present and completely here

Calm and at peace
While being pained and anxious
In equal parts
Fighting to remain
Combating the other

I want to be alone
And I want to be with you
I want to hear your voice
And I need the silence
In the dark of this light

Understand the pain I refuse to speak
See the strain I cannot show
Light the candle in your corner
Tempt me with your soothing warmth
Remove me, draw me out of this dark of horror

(c) Shaziane

Here

I've been here for so long
Wondering where I belong
Trying to get around
Wanting to be found

But never can I seem to find.      
To where I ought to bind
Myself
My belongings

There never seems to be
Any
Ground upon which
I can plant my feet

Every corner is filled
With another man
And his possessions

Every nook filled
With something strange
Every cranny occupied
By some alien

Where is my place
Among all of this
Where are the markers
Left for situations like this

If I cannot rest my head
How do I rise?
If my dignity lays beneath this rubble
How do I find it?

(c) Shaziane

Pregnancy

Thick, round, ready
Hips, thighs, ankles
And a perfectly centred oval
Propped in the middle of perfection
My wife.

The cushioning of her already cushioned ass
 The widening of her amazingly wide hips
The extra heaviness to her firm breasts
Speak of
My child

The intensified intensity of her orgasms
The heightening of her pleasant yet unearthly desires
The increased sensitivity to touch, taste, and smell
Teases, taunts
Me

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing
How can I despair?

Emotionally unable
Physically incapable
Of stabalizing herself
As mood swings and morning sickness rule
With iron fists of miscommunication

Yearnings for gut-churning food combinations
Hankerings for her constant supply
Bouts of noisome stench release
Invade our home, our lives
Testing my resolve

Loving little
Sleeping less
When will I get my blessed rest
When will this torture end
When will beauty descend

Pregnancy
Has wrought such blessing...
How can I...despair

My wife
My child
Me
How can I despair?
With iron fists of miscommunication
Testing my resolve
When will beauty descend?
How can I...despair

(c) Shaziane

Love Me Well

Love me like you mean it
Love me like I'm worth it
Love me like everything on earth depends on you and me being happily together
Love me like the world would stop if you don't
Love me like the earth spins with your touch
Love me well enough to break the chains of hurt

Love me more than the world believes is possible

Love me well

Love me good and do it like you know you should
Love me clearly in the dark
Love me dearly at the break of light
Love me one more time for one day under eternity

Love me well

(c) Shaziane

Alzheimer's (The Thief)

I pray that everyday you wake
You remember the night before
That every morning is beautiful to you
Though different
I pray for utter happiness for you
My love, I pray this thief
Loses his all, I pray that every family finds
Peace, in his loss
I pray that every soul thrown to the wind returns in memory
I pray that tomorrow you'll wake
And, calling my name know who I am.
I pray to lose this forgetful child
And to gain the arrogant (bastard) I married
I'll stay, but know
This is not the life I signed for
This isn't the torment I intended to live
Or the pain I intended to sustain
This is not the angry bruise of forgetfullness I intended to gain
This is not my wintery torment of a memory
So I pray dearly for summer's return
With it's frozen nights

(c) Shaziane

I Probably Shouldn't...But (Edited Version)

I probably shouldn't be dancing to the ringing of the phone
but I think I'll let it go:
I think I'll keep on moving,
grooving,
shaking these hips,
making that clap clap clapiddy clap clap sound.
I think I'll move my waist like I got no place to be,
rotate my shoulders,
loosen my hands,
wave 'em in the air
twirling with the wind and swing my head back and forth,
slowly skip across the floor with all these movements and answer as you ring me the second...third time

slowly skip across the floor, skin glisten with all these movements;
I shimmer and shimmie and answer as you ring me

(c) Shaziane

Every Time

Every time I see him, I want to sing
But,
I squeeze it in
Hold my breath,
Close my eyes
Press my face,
Nose and mouth in my hand
Stifling the only sounds
That my mind can form
Sit
Hold a chair
Turn from side to side
Refuse to stand
Refuse to walk
Clench my fist
Grab my skirt
Grab the chair
Walk about
Sit again
Breath
Breath
Breath
Breath ease
I try
And as I’m doing these things
I trying not to think
And at last the thoughts come
And tears flow
And I feel
I feel
Feel
I can’t say
“Like”
Because nothing compares
I feel
Eyes burning
Tears flowing
Skin tingling
Heart pounding
Veins
Doing this weird thing
The one they do only when he touches me
But,
He didn’t

(c) Shaziane

Shake

I want to shake all the pain
Beneath this ground
I want to remove all my doubts
Break out all my fears
Take all this misunderstanding
Give it a good whip-lashing

And put it all back

Pain as love conditional
Doubts as beliefs in the impossible
Fears as strength in the hardest times
Then beneath my feet will be solid rock
And there will never be defeat

(c) Shaziane

A Prayer For Summer

I pray that you return
With eyes of pleasure
Smiles of contentment
And words filled
With everything
I have [ever] dreamed

I pray for your return
As I plead for summer
For summer rain
For summer days
Summer friendships
And happiness
Built on rocks at the seaside

I pray for love
Like the sun
Treading the possibility of hell
Living in the truth of joy
I pray for summer
And I pray for you
That our anticipation may be in the likeness
That our meeting may be
That of a cold night greeting the blessing of the first rays


(c) Shaziane

I Prayed

I prayed for a man who is perfect
And I thought the Lord exulted
I prayed for a man who is righteous
And I thought the sentiments worthwhile

But after years of waiting
With patience worn to threads
I turned unto my Father
And listened carefully

There is not a man who is perfect
There is not a man who is righteous
But when you find a man
with whose imperfection you can endure
Know that what you have found is love

(c) Shaziane

For This Man

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

He is not perfect
But I like his flaws
(Some of them)

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

He's not a royal
But he's certainly built like one
(In my mind)

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

He is not the sexiest
Being on earth
(I know this)

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

He knows [how] to work his worth

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

I find his arrogance so appealing
(It's insane)

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

I feel blinded
But I know I'm seeing all

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

I feel slighted
(Sometimes)
But I can't help but enjoy
(His teases)

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

I feel blessed
To have found a man so unpredictably sexy in the oddest of ways

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

{He reminds me of myself
(A tad older)
Sexier, wiser, more in control [of myself]}

Thank you, Lord
Thank you, Lord
For this man

{He reminds that I can be fun and still be me
He reminds that I've got more to offer that I can see
He reminds that love still exists
And has told me quite openly trust is alive}



(c) Shaziane 2012


The section enclosed by curly brackets {} are those which I am uncertain about.
I think they break the flow. What say you?

I Bet...Deep

I slept with you on my mind
I slept with you on my groin
You slept in my loins
I could not forget
The way you looked at me
Yesterday
So I slept the night with you
All over me
In my mind

I bet you forgot how voluptuous I look
From the back
How enticingly delicious I could be
From elsewhere
I bet you forgot all those thoughts
I read in your eyes
I bet you forgot the look
That has you on my mind

I bet
I bet
I bet
I bet you don't know the way
I'm yearning
I bet you couldn't imagine
The way I am burning

Deep
Deep
Deep inside this body is a place where I treasure you

Deep
Deep
Deep inside this body is a place where all of you lays dear

Deep inside the corners of my mind
Deep inside the depths of my thoughts
Deep below my consciousness
Deep beneath the surface of my words
Deep within the truth of my passion

Deeeeeeeeeeeeep
Is the only word that fully describes your impact on me
Deeeeeeeeeeeeeep



(c) Shaziane 2012

Dream Him, Dream Him Well

I expected my lover, to be the friend I always hoped for
I expected my lover to be the guy who loves for who I am
I expected too much
I expected just enough
I expected perfection in the eyes of a man who could see my imperfections
and still see me

I forgot to dream him (up) perfectly
I forgot to dream his chiseled features
I forgot to build him like a myth
I forgot to make his voice chocolate smooth
and thick
I forgot to dream harder
Scream louder

As I chanted for a man to love me
I forgot about him
As I focused on me
I forgot about his looks
I forgot about the books, the code of a perfect man
I forgot about just everything this world could ever offer
I forgot to make him
I forgot
I forgot I forgot I forgot
To make him perfect

So here stands six feet and four delicate inches
Of a man
Who sees me for so much more than I can see in my self
With all the stuffings of an emotionally insecure being.



(c) Shaziane

Every Flaw Put To Rest

Lay it on me like the wind pulls the rain across my face.
Lay it on me like the sun pushes its hands over my body.
Lay it like the stars.
Lay it on me like the moon does the sea.
Lay it on me like innocence does a baby.
Make it pure.
Make it natural.
Make it love. M
ake it unconditional.
Make the sex stop:

I don't need
the huffing,
the puffing,
the humping,
the jumping.

I (don't) need anything but the truth of your eyes saying,
"I (don't) love you(r body). I love you."

I want to lay in your arms,
carefree
with every worry of every flaw put to rest.

(c) Shaziane